Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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