He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
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I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
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No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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