I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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