Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
it's like heaven, but drunker
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
