2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
