I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize