u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
