Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
