You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
