i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
