Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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