i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
