I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
