just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
