So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
