Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
