Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
