uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
sarcasm needs its own font
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
