I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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