you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i already hear my dad disowning me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
