I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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