i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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