so explain again why im purple
no
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
