Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
