At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
