I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
