help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
