"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
