Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
