so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
