What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
