you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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