It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize