dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
