i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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