He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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