I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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