dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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