Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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