it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
