Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
