so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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