I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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