Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
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How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
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We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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