There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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