Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize