Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
