booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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