I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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