If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
