I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
