Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
