That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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