My hand turned me down
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
