next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
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the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
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the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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