mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I want to have your abortion
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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