glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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