I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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