dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
