don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
