Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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