i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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