i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
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Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
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I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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