I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
