im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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