Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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